Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
