When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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