we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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