I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
