i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
