If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
