theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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