My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
