im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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