Do you still have your period?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
