she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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