I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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