Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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