I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
How does one acquire holy water?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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