There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
