Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
