Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
