just come out here and I will go home with you...
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
