Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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