I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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