Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
