so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
