ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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