Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
