why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
