Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Is it penis luge time yet?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
