well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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