in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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