He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
