remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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