I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
