I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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