I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
