Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
