I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
