onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
