There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Randomize
