Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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