You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
