I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
