So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
are you so shy because you have an std?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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