Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
