only you would photoshop your dick
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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