DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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