I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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