1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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