she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
