Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
