After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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