Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
