We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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