I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
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