I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
